The world in which Daniel Kurland's opinions actually hold merit!

Been a while since I posted something...

2006-09-25T00:04:04Z

But tonight's "Studio 60" was so fucking awesome. The pilot met expectations but everything was great in this one. If you're not watching this show, do it. The same goes for "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" which may as well be called "Arrested Development".

Oh my God. Best dream ever.

2006-08-27T12:14:24Z

I just had a dream where an episode of season 4 of the OC was all computer animated, and it was just the shittiest, embarassing thing ever. And Priestley and I insulted it the entire time. One of the highlights was in the soccer game, one character kept riding his bike in the game, insisting that if he did some sort of backflip thing on the bike, it was in fact "legal" in the game, and there would be all sort of build up to him doing the flip, but he kept failing, and eventually the coach fired him. What a fantastic dream. Oh, my family was also murdered, but this dream seems like the important thing to focus on.

Done my fucking job!

2006-08-19T21:24:37Z

And discovered that Tim Hortons has an underground basement/cave that consumed much of the day.

Supernovaaaaa

2006-08-03T21:16:52Z

Went to the Warhol exhibit at the AGO today. Pretty entertaining and interesting, which was nice, and the fact that Cronenberg provided commentary on it all was very cool, so did Dennis Hopper, which for some reason makes sense. I'd reccomend. Noah's eyes lit up at the whole thing, it's good to see that he can still feel!

"No, I can't make it to the party, it's anal sex night at the Gold household."

2006-07-26T21:34:13Z

I've watched all of Entourage in like three fucking days, and the mind reels. Sex and the City for men? Yeah, seems like it. Wonderful show, children. Watch it, at least for Jeremy Piven, and for how it resembles a life I will never possibly have, and only work as a template for the many ways in which life will crush me. A better show than Arrested Development? Fuck, no. Better than Clone High, I'm thinking yes.

"I feel we should circumvrent the situation..."

2006-07-06T18:30:58Z

So those "Emmys" are announced, too much garbage to get into, but GOB is up for a much deserved one, and he surely won't win, but it's nice to see some Will Arnett appreciation. Apparently King of Queens is a better actor than Bateman, oh, I also got a place to live in Toronto.

Cotey's Going Away Party

2006-07-04T16:55:35Z

"Which do you like more, the wrench or the bottle of wine?", "In grade four, I was the smartest grade four student in Ontario.", "Colin's going to trick you into giving him a ride home.", "So, Arrested Development is like The OC?", "They don't have wheetabix in England, it's bananabix.", "I'm hiding the saucer where she'll never find it; my sock.", "Sam, if I told you I don't want you vomitting in my car, why are you sticking your finger down your throat?", "That picture of the dog, will outlive all the ancestors of this house, and be some God to future generations.", "Cheesecake doesn't scratch CDs.", "I wish instead of rock climbing, I was hammered."

In spite of the ridiculous amount of highschool emitting from this party, I seemed to have a really enjoyable time.

Fucking ridiculous

2006-06-17T19:04:56Z

So my car gets broken into last night. Shit thrown everywhere. Money, CDs, other things, stolen. And it was in my fucking driveway. In FONTHILL. Nothing gets stolen here. You can honestly leave out faberge eggs, and like, you'll get notes left on them saying "What nice faberge eggs." Anyways, hate crimes are the latest fad, so I should not be surprised. As I drive it tonight on the QEW, and inevitably get pulled over, I can only hope they left a dead body/naked girl in the trunk for me and the police officers to have a gander at.

Vengeance Double Feature!

2006-06-11T16:24:55Z

See Androids fighting Brad and Janet.
Ann Francis stars in Forbidden Planet.
Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh.

Delicatessannnnn!

2006-06-03T18:48:47Z

I know what I'm doing. I know what I'm doing...

I got a dog today...

2006-06-01T21:16:48Z

It's name is Cooper, and pretty ridiculously cute, which is something I may not say too often. Pictures will turn up eventually, but all in all, a good dog, and a good replacement for me when I leave, for my mom. Enjoy your DOGLESS days everyone, you losers! Except those of you lucky enough to have one.

Car for 5 seating nine drunken kids...

2006-05-28T06:23:14Z

driving home from the fucking Fenwick fair in the AM. Ay caramba indeed.

The Coolest Kids...

2006-05-27T04:21:22Z

Are the ones that get out of their cars in the middle of traffic and congregate in the middle. Impeding everything. Confusing the elderly, ignoring the halogen of the drifting lights, discussing things too cool for me to imagine.

Yeah, so the mail came today...

2006-05-16T20:01:45Z

And apparently Ryerson is now accepting Jews.

Giving blood is so much fun

2006-05-12T19:47:52Z

Truly a great way to get free juice, cookies, and arm wounds all within a 15 minute time frame. PS: Jewish blood is green!

Should I continue this?

2006-04-27T17:14:23Z

"The Hostagers"

Written by Daniel Kurland

1. INT. HIDEOUT - NIGHT

GORDAN SCHUMWAY and LOGAN DONOVAN enter the hideout.

GORDAN
See, that's where you're wrong, Logan. You don't know
what you're talking about.

LOGAN
Oh, I'm sorry Gordan, where did you get your degree
again?

GORDAN
Harvard.

LOGAN
That's what I th-- Harvard? Really?

GORDAN
That's right.

LOGAN
I had no idea. You mean THE Harvard, right? You're not
referring to some night school in the slums of Racism
Cove, where some back alley abortionist named Professor
Switchblade is your instructor?

GORDAN
I think you're thinking about Yale. You know, we've never actually had a conversation about education, and the declining rate of it.

LOGAN
I have, in fact, been aware of this truth.

GORDAN
Why do you suppose that is?

LOGAN
We're probably too busy working, Gordan.

GORDAN
You say this with an air of authority, but it has been
months since we've worked.

LOGAN
You cannot rush art.

GORDAN
You can evict art though. We have no money.

LOGAN
We have some money.

GORDAN
We have no money.

LOGAN
It's not like we have moths flying out of our pockets.

GORDAN
You have pockets? You mean you didn't use the butter
knife to arduously cut slits in your low-grade pants.

LOGAN
What's your point?

GORDAN
As I was saying earlier, you don't know what you're talking about, George Clooney is much more attractive than Edward Norton.

LOGAN
I did not say that Ed Norton was more attractive, I said
he was sexier. And I can't stand George Clooney. He's
too smug.

GORDAN
He's charming! I'd still disagree with you. George Clooney has this boy next door look to him, and he's nice. He's an overall nice--

LOGAN (INTERRUPTING)
You've met him?

GORDAN
Excuse me?

LOGAN
George Clooney, you've met him?

GORDAN
Of course I haven't.

LOGAN
So then he is allegedly nice. You don't know for certain that he is nice.

GORDAN
There's still merit to it.

LOGAN
You know who else was allegedly nice? Hitler. Hitler
was allegedly nice, and you know what?

GORDAN
What's that, Logan?

LOGAN
George Clooney's smugness is wearing me so thin, I might
even say that I'd choose Hitler over George Cloo--

GORDAN (INTERRUPTING)
Oh God.

LOGAN
What?

GORDAN
She's gone.

LOGAN
Grisabella is gone?

GORDAN
Her name is Amy. Grisabella? How could you think her
name is Grisabella? How could you think that
Grisabella is a name in general? Was she an ogre
last time we saw her?

LOGAN
No, she was a girl.

GORDAN
That's right, but right now, that's not the issue. The
issue at hand is the girl we kidnapped. The girl we
are going to hold for ransom -- You know, the way in which we make our money -- appears to be missing, and if
we don't find her soon, we're both going to be going to
jail. Do you understand what I am saying, Logan?

LOGAN
You know Ed Norton played a convict in the film
"American History X". He shaved his head for the role!
When has George Clooney ever shown such commitment?

GORDAN
Well I'm sure in the made for TV movie based on our
arrest, he'll have commitment to playing your character.

LOGAN
Oh no, no. I'd get someone like Robert Downey Jr., but
not Robert Downey Jr. to play me. Sure, sure. He's a
fine actor, and a hell of a singer, but I don't know
if he'd be--

GORDAN (INTERRUPTING)
Watching television, sailing a boat, scaling a volcano,
having a conversation with Uma Thurman, making out
with Uma Thurman, having a conversation about making
out with Uma Thurman.

LOGAN
What are, "Things you'd rather be doing than having this
conversation with me?"

GORDAN
Precisely. We happen to have more vexing issues front
and center at the moment though. Amy is missing. Do you
realize how big a deal this is? We don't want to have
another Veronica Echolls case on our hands here.

Logan looks at his hands.

LOGAN
It looks like some of her is still on my hands actually.

Fucking done exams and school and other pointlessness!

2006-04-25T21:36:49Z

Commence the ranch dressing hose and topless dancers!

Fun with Haikus!

2006-04-18T16:00:49Z

Mine make me look more creepy and pathetic than normal. Which I must give it credit for:

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name: DanielKurlansky
Your haiku: cleaned womble's and
i'm now out of latex gloves
for those of you who
Username:

Created by Grahame

Happy Passover Everyone!

2006-04-12T17:35:37Z

It may be April 12 for you, but it's the 22nd of Nissan for me! Enjoy your yeast, infections, or otherwise.

Just cleaned Womble's cage...

2006-04-11T12:56:30Z

And I'm now out of latex gloves. For those of you who don't know, Womble is my brother.

I am just fucking astounded by Aaron Sorkin...

2006-04-10T17:25:49Z

Not only did "Sports Night" have me laughing my ass off today, but "West Wing" had me crying my eyes out. If only one person in the universe were to have the ability of script-writing bestowed upon them, it should be this man, hands down.

So it's fucking snowing out!

2006-04-04T21:00:03Z

It's April 4 and it should not be snowing. If I wanted snow I would live in Antartica, South Park, or Cool, Cool Mountain. Fucking ridiculous.

LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:	DanielKurlansky
Your haiku:	but west wing had me crying my eyes out if only one person in the
Username:

Created by Grahame